You have to know that I've just turned 24 and I never had a boyfriend in my life. I literally don't know what it means have a person that cares about you in a certain way, which is a lot different from friendship.
All my closest friends are in a relationship and my new friends at the university are beginning a new relationship or they are in a relationship for years and then there's me!
When someone ask me "Do you have a boyfriend?" the classic answers is "No, I don't" of course, hoping that maybe I could be more desiderable/suitable to single boys instead of my occupied friends. And of course it's not!
When I reach a deeper level of closeness with some friends and they find out that I never had a boyfriend their reactions are: "Oh my God! What is wrong with you?", "For real?", "ahahah you're joking, right?", "Maybe you're lesbian" , "You're lying, this could not be possible.. you're 24!". Well, thanks friends!
Well, you know what? I'm not lesbian and there's nothing wrong with me, or at least I hope; it's just that no one applied for the role of my boyfriend! NO ONE! Is it my fault? Maybe.
You don't know how many times, when I was invited to dinner to my group of friends' house with their boyfriends/girlfriends, I wanted to bring someone with me. I was always the single one, 9 persons, 4 couples. At the end I stopped partecipating to these dinners, because the "couples" always talked about couple's stuff, couple's holidays, double dates... I had enough honestly! I felt like Bridget Jones! But of course it's not their fault.. we're talking about people that never stayed alone, they always had a boyfriend/girlfriend and they don't know how to be alone.
One day, one of my friend asked me: "When we are with other people and we talk about relationships, don't you feel uncomfortable? If I were you, I would! I mean, no offense but you know nothing about that!" Well, thanks again friend!
My cousin today told me how much she missed her boyfriend and she told me that I should find a boyfriend soon because I'm getting older (she's 20!).
Have I the worst friends in the world or there's actually something wrong with me?
I mean, I always have been the not-so-pretty-but-funny friend, the one that trusts no one.. yes, I have trust issues, ok, and I'm also picky! All the boys that I fancied in my life, literally played with my heart since I was 14. So, is just me or it was the first boy that broke my heart's fault?
Through my teenage phase I had my self-esteem and confidence under my feet, because I had to admit, pimples, crooked teeth and then braces were not so appealing near my perfect friends.
But you know what? I worked on me to be stronger than these words.
For me right now, be single is becoming an identity. I wouldn't change my independece and my habits for a man that maybe doesn't love me either.
As Lady Gaga said: "Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.", so why should I settle for the first random guy??? I deserve one of the greatest love of all time, not a dickhead!
Also my mom always told me "Carol, think about your education and not boys!", maybe that's why I'm getting my second degree at the university and no boyfriend, but you know what, a fucking non-sense relationship is not definying me as a person.
There you are friends!
Or I'll will end up like Bridget Jones (before Darcy) and everyone else was right!
Talk to you soon
Carol
The images are not mine
